2009 will be remembered as a great year for music. Lots of fantastic releases. And lots of stuff that i've got around to discovering, as well. I've had some great recommendations. I'm going to lump em all together here.

Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavillion
Yeah a shame i never listened to these guys before now. 9th album? wow. but i had a listen to some of the others. and this latest one seems to be the best. The first five or 6 songs i think are the happiest i've ever heard. Fun. more than fun, what a wonderful release, such exuberance, infectious giddyness. The happiest stuff i've heard in a very long while and I can't wait to see them live in a month.

Grizzly Bear: Veckatimest
At a first listen this album sadly seems like a poorer cousin to 'collective's album. But it's not like that at all. It doesn't reach the same heights, but this album is a lot more consistent overall, I think it will have a lot more staying pwer, and it sounds great to listen to 'as an album'. Standout is Two Weeks, the first single, sadly used in an advertising campaign somewhere (not sure where) and "ready, abel" which sounds full of echoing shimmery goodness (1:46 onwards). These guys are in australia for what seems like all of Janurary, you, readying this, will probably have a good chance of seeing them at some point.

Silversun Pickups: Swoon
All those references ot the smashing pumpkins arn't really fair. This is a better album, and they've evolved. I actually compare this a little to magic dirt, but this is more commercial, catchier, tighter. And theres a wall of sound here, as good as any rock i've ever heard. So it's not ground breaking music, but give a fuck, its powerful, its strong, and it's a great listen at full blast. the first 5 tracks imparticular, they are fucking unstoppable.

The National: Boxer
i spent a good portion of 2008 listening to Alligator, the first album of theirs that every really grabbed me, never really could find some affinity with the others. and i listened to it for as much as anyone can listen to anything. and this year, somewhere while i was travelling i rediscovered 'sad songs for dirty lovers...' which was great again. and now, finally, 2 years after its release, i've completely come around on 'Boxer'. its easily the best of their albums, melt-into beautiful, lush, mesmerising. theres less melodrama with 'boxer' - there's more of a quiet confidence and contentment. its hard to pick a standout favourate, although fake empire and 'ada' imparticular are very special. all the songs are just amazing. and i can see their 'arc' now, their progression. Its really great to see a band keep on getting better and better with each album release. i've never seen them live, (just missed them last time), i'd really like to. and there's a new album in march of next year.

(i've spent most of the evening letting 'boxer' fill the walls of this empty apartment, his voice fills all the rooms, the warm sound heartens everything)

Various: Dark was the night
The most stunning compilation cd i've heard in many years, curated by one of the members of the aforementioned bad, I'd really like to thank everyone who reccomended this, I can see why, its quite an incredible collage. standout contributions from dirty projectors, the national, sharon jones, the books, my morning jacket, the new pornographers, and plenty more. a very high standard throughout. its also served as an excellent eyeopener for a bunch of bands i'd somehow missed.

I've already dedicated a few posts to Neko Case. I still love her, loved seeing her in chicago, and will especially love seeing her as part of the sydney festival.

Oh, theres a bunch more albums ive been listening to over the last few weeks. I've tried to listen to as much stuff as possible. So, just some first thoughts on these:

Air: Love 2.
Theres about three good tracks on here which isnt enough for an album. And theres a couple that are really annoying, make you want to skip past. I always end up going back to Moon Safari, La femme De argent, now that is just amazing. this is not.

Phoenix: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
Really catchy, smooth, good stuff. Not surprised to hear they formed in 1999 as the backing band for 'kelly watch the stars' by Air. I think they've surpassed Air now, they have more instruments and more cohesion. And they have a great sound.

The xx:
Remind me of the whitest boy alive. OK i guess, but not substantial. Like fast food, just seems like theres no nutritional value.

Bat for Lashes: ooh thats good! damm how did i miss that

Florence and the Machine: Lungs - No. I dont think so. I don't see anything to go back to listen to, its not beautiful nor original.

The New Moon Soundtrack - I'm going to get mocked for saying this but its actually a nice collection of songs, I just have to avoid the cover art and forget about the associated movie/product, whatever it is.

Misatbishi - Drop: The best DNB album released in aaaaaages. Nice work NHS!

Other good listenings, but they havnt quite broken through yet: Department of Eagles, Amadou & Mariam (Welcome to Mali) Dirty Projectors, Spoon, Andrew Bird (actually, Andrew Bird is well on his way), Bertie Blackman (yes!) ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead.

The best thing I've heard this year? Would be Beiruits 2007 album 'the flying cup club'. But that needs a whole other post.

Theres a lot of other stuff I've been listening to, but I havnt really formed thoughts around these things yet. Towards the end of the year, i'll post a rundown of my favourate stuff. Theres a lot of good stuff to choose from. Its been a great year.

over the weekend someone asked me what i thought being in 'love' was.

the answer to this question usually tells you more about the person answering it than anything else. everyone is different, everyone has a different answer. for the longest time i havnt had the faintest idea, and maybe over the last five or six years i might have answered the question in a bunch of different ways, really depending on my state of mind at the time, but i never really pushed myself to answer it.

i've had a think about it now.

in the context of a relationship most people consider love as the antithesis to hate but i dont think thats quite right. hate is a weird beast again, its rare that i ever feel it. and i don't trust the emotions at each end of that scale, not even the positive ones. so not that.

right now for me, love means this: freedom from anxiety.

it could also mean - a calmness - no drama - a contentment. and the happyness and strength that comes from that. but whatever form it takes, it's the opposite of anxiety. in a relationship, if theres a person or something that creates that peace by their presence, then thats awesome. thats it. thats the spot. that is something to hold on to. that can make a lot of other things work. for me thats the most important thing.

My first big Melbourne weekend since march, (since a very long time) was awesome, amazing, fantastic. I'd like to thank all the people that were everso generous with their time.

Hannah, Lou and Dave at Lesney Street for the bed and the hospitality and the general welcomiminty

Hannah especially for the introduction to Der Raum

Anna for the complimentary shots at the GB on Friday night.

Lauren just for the chats at Lambsgo.

Ange, Penny, Ev, Keir, Hannah, ReneeT, and the massive crew that came out via MaxiTaxi to the roller derby bout in reseviour, and who stayed with us for the long trip back to the civilization. The roller derby rocked! What an awesome night out.

Keir, Paul, Tim, and Michelle who kept company at a rather disappointing and derivative John B set (pole dancers, crappy sound, what the fuck? It used to be about the music, didnt it? Once? Damm)

Wonderful time with Ruth at the convent and the Collingwood childrens Farm sunday afternoon. The prettiest bird in the barn, the thirsty goats, the sheep, horses, chooks, all come to the party.

Paul generally for his company, but mostly for giving me a pair of his shoes. That gives you an insight to what a fantastic person he is. His shoes. Real handy too, for walking. Actually going to wear them with this completely awesome pair of socks which I purchased at i-didnt-think-it-would-be-open dimmeys whilst shopping with Melanie.

And gotta send love to everyone who met up at the standard, Ruth, James, Paul, Hung, Ev, and the cute bartender pouring the Bloody Mary's, they were fantastic, they were all fantastic.

And melbourne itself for putting on fantastic spring weather every day I was down. I crammed a lot in it seems.

Home now. Work tomorrow.

In Summary: There's a lot of cost cutting decisions that tiger airways have made that actually seem to end up costing them a lot of time (and money), and they dont really make the airline look good. I mean, for whatever its saving them (and it doesnt seem like a great deal) it's still really not worth it.

- the guaranteed wait time in queue to check in (around 20-30 minutes easily), each time. need more staff. or online checkin. not hard to do. probably cheaper long term.
- getting stuck out on the tarmac, airside at terminal 4 is cold, windy, and everyone on the flight was huddled against the wind. They only use one door to board the planes there, and so it takes a while. 2 doors open and they could turn the plane around quicker.
- banning passengers bring food on board so that they can made an extra twenty bucks on drinks seems a bit tightass and unfriendly.
- Cabin crew are: interesting. Its obvious that the level of training is not on par with Jetsar or Virgin. I don't know if tiger's status as the 'most budget' of all the airlines effects this, the attitude of the crew. The amount of professionalism thats put in is noticebly less. maybe I caught them on a bad day. Maybe they dont care as much because they don't have to.
- The enviroment within terminal 4 (Melbourne) is conducive to negative/depressing atmosphere. Theres not enough chairs to handle 2 flights, much less three, so everyones sitting around on the floor like a bunch of refugees. and even thought its got a new paintjob and carpet, its still run down warehouse, kinda hard to disguise that. Nothing fun about it. And Tigers policies mean you're forced to sit there for 45 minutes at the very least.

(Also Tiger, and you Jetstar (guilty of this as well) who seems to pack up the cabin a full 30 minutes prior to landing, thus electronic devices can only be used for the 20 minutes or so in the middle of the trip. Whats the point? Its not a safety issue. Its just being tight and theres such a miniscule benefit to the airline, and a great annoyance to me, stuck twiddling my thumbs without so much as some sounds to keep me company. Cmon! They don't do this in the US. You can use the ipod right up until landing. Just dont make calls or use wifi in the air, which I can understand)

And another mini-rant. Its just a tiny bit insulting to enforce passengers show up and hour or two before departure on a domestic flight when the flight is delayed by the same ammount again. The US equivalent (southwest) has no qualms out letting passengers check in up until 15 minutes before departure, even on a already-delayed flight.

I guess the upshot is – the flights costs a total of $64 return. Which is the cheapest I've ever done the syd/melb weekend. And so maybe it's all still worth it. I didnt get screwed over like a few other passengers this weekend. What I am thinking is: if I can fly with virgin for within $50 of whatever tiger are doing it, well, virgin it is. Otherwise, with the exception of some long-haul domestic flights, maybe tiger is worth putting up with? its just weird to put a dollar value on all those things that you took for granted.

so, i finally moved house. this one is semi-temporary, i'm good for a few months. and this is as nice a place as i've ever lived in, a newly renovated apartment, less than 100 meters from the cliffs of north coogee and the waters of gordons bay. theres no minimum timeframe here, and maximum time is not a sure thing either but at the moment it doesnt matter. i'm incredibly happy to have this opportunity, and it is _amazing_ to have the ocean so close by.



over the weekend i fixed my bike back to good working order (after spending 4 months in the shed whilst i travelled). all tyres/tubes changed, it also got a decent clean, and feels great to ride. i'm comfortable riding here to and from work as well, its an extra couple of km, and one extra hill, but no biggie.

i moved in last wednesday, and i love the area. this is where i want to live. i spent a good portion of the weekend walking along the cliffs between clovelly and maroubra. saw two humpback whales, mother and calf, heading south.

here's a couple of pictures, from definitely one of the nicest weekends ever.

taken at the entry at gordons bay at high-ish tide. water is cold.

and one taken from the rocks looking north towards clovelly.

up at 6am, well before the alarm. this room I'm at the moment, doesnt have curtains. and so I woke up staring at the sky, and the sky was a blood crimson red - thought to myself - i never see a red morning sky anymore - but after a few minutes - fading into conciousness - i realised that this was redder than red. its that beautiful rich red, doesnt occour normally - or natuarally - not without massive interference (like bushfire ash) the early morning red - is probbably my favourate colour. and covering the whole sky - without beginning or end.

Outside wandered around the backyard in awe and wonder. and the dust is everywhere, and it reminded me a lot burning man. the smell, the feeling. sensational, incredible, another planet.

Over the next half hour (time for me to charge camera battery) the colours faded down to sepia tones - and i was able to grab the following pictures on my ride to sydney airport.



a better bunch of pictures here, a video from broken hill, and pictures from nataly

an almost emotional flight on air new zealand from LA back to auckland, and not just for me

the captain took the loudspeaker as we pushed back from the gate at LAX

after giving flying time and weather information there was a quiet pause. then he spoke again. "my crew have advised me that it is my duty to inform you that this will be my last ever flight for air new zealand. at the end of this flight i will be retiring after forty years of service". you could hear a little bit of emotion in his voice - everyone did - and the whole cabin clapped and cheered, and the spirit on the entire flight from then on could be described as jovial. there was another thunderous applause from everyone as we touched down in auckland, and a line of fire engines hosed the plane down as we taxied to the gate.

another two hours at auckland airport - i got to relieve the memories of the massive layover we had four and a half months ago. everything looks the same, but i feel so very different.

a quiet and almost empty flight into sydney. touchdown.

it's 30 degrees here. taxi to enmore. i can feel the australian summer air.

i'm home.

like attracts like:

i think the people you are attracted to are usually a reflection of your own mental state at the time you meet them.

and disfunctional relationships are often the result of people meeting each other during vulnerable, weak, or 'emotionally mismatched' periods in their lives. and this can cause major problems as people heal, evolve and change - and move past the point where the basis of the relationship was created.

i'm not sure why i didn't realise this sooner, it seems so simple to me now.

in those first conversations, the beginnings of a relationship, you're finding common ground with someone - about anything and everything - including fears, weaknesses, insecurities. if you're attracted to someone (though love or desperation) then you search for things you have in common - it doesnt really matter if they're not admirable (or possibly even incompatible) qualities.

even if a relationship works initially, problems arise because people its almost impossible to change another person even (or especially!) if you're in a relationship with them. i guess, you always want to think you can fix somone, but more often than not its not within your capabilites nor is it part of your job description. and its dangerous to sucked into someones emotional sphere when that sphere is unhealthy and you really don't control any of it.

the truth is that people need to heal themselves, its almost always a personal journey, and everyone moves at a different pace, depending on their circumstances and mental strength.

to be in a loving, awesome, and balanced relationship, i think you really need to look hard at yourself first, and know where YOU are. you can't wait for someone to save you, - to fix you. you have to put every effort into repairing yourself (to the extent that everyone is at least a little bit broken) - before anything else.

and its not about being perfect; thats silly. its just being better and more comfortable and content with your own mental state, and then reaching a level where you know that you're balanced enough to project yourself on to others. it can time to get to that place (and for me it took a long time). and theres a million different ways to do this, everyone has a different path, probably something to write about elsewhere. i do think that closely (and honestly) listening to your mind and body is a good place to start.





before going any further i must stress that these thoughts are the result of my own journey over the past two or so years, i'm not suggesting they are universally applicable.

i use this online space as a process or mechanism to deal with things that confuse me, to try and get some perspective on all the things i don't understand.

this isnt one of those posts.

ive been wanting to write this for over nine months, when this realisation first overwhelmed me, which was sometime in november last year, after a long period of mourning and rebuilding; things finally broke through. i was ok with myself; i was ready to be in a relationship again. and later on, around my birthday some circumstances crystallized the idea in my mind. and the words here, in an internalised form, have been guiding my most recent travels, and have helped me meet some incredible and amazing people along the way. and its been awesome, i get emotional just thinking about it.

you know who you are; thank you.

as i write this the sun is setting over los angeles, i'm watching the planes come in from terminal 4, and stealing wifi from the air france business class lounge.

its the end of things travel wise. the real world starts again on monday. i'm hoping to pre-unfuck myself from jetlag by staying up late tonight. lots of coffess and then a valium tab to slide into saterday night. my laptop is already running on AEST time.

theres a whirlwind of thoughts about this trip happening in my head now, none of it i can control. it's sort of quiet here in the departure lounge my head is drowning in it all.

travel has been amazing, awesome, incredible, and intense. i feel like ive been put thropugh the tumble dryer. i got to realise a lot of long-held dreams. my time underwater, my time on the galapgos, and my times at burning man are true travel highlights, better than anything i could have hoped for, i felt such ridiculous glee and happiness here, beyond what i thought i was capable of.

and with the loss of the laptop and bag, i got to realise my worst nightmare as well. the truith is i havnt been able to deal with that yet, it weighs a lot on my mind. i only hope that i can be mentally stronger with these things once i'm past this point,

i found out a lot about myself in the hardest times, especially about the types of people you meet when you're up and when you're down. i do feel like ive unlocked a few keys - clues - to myself and the things that make me truley happy. and these are good things to know for later on.

i still have a little bit of anxiety about the culture shock i know is coming, and about readjusting to sydney and melbourne. hopefully that won't take too long to conquer. looking foward to seeing you all.

this is my second trip here, and almost certainly my last. it would have to be a pretty exceptional set of circumstances to bring me back, and i just dont see it happening.

really you could see everyting you wanted to see on the strip here over two nights, maximum. any more time and you're just drawing it out.

its mostly the same as last time. i mean, why mess with the formula? inside the casinos all the lights are set to dim/twilight/sunset, the telvisions all melt into a blur of moving lights. the sounds gambling, chatting, pokermachines all melt together as well. out on the strip during the day difficult to tolerate. the brightness makes everything so ugly. the desert is the same though, the heat and the light is withering.

i think vegas has the same american extremes that burning man also shows, but the energy runs in the opposite direction, and its very much a shock, especially after the goodwill so evident at burning man. (the advertisment for planet hollywood basically reads, "our dealers have the lowest cut tops, come gamble with us")

the other depressing thing is that even without gambling (although that isnt helping) vegas is such a massive moneydrain, every moment i'm here im spending lots and nothing is cheap, not even the fast food, and i'm here at the end of my trip, which is already WAY WAY over budget and right now that really hurts, im actually looking forward to working again and falling into some sort of routine, (which is so strange to think about, i just never thought i'd say it).

me and rel are staying on the 27th floor of the mgm grand, which is not as offensive as most of the hotels, but its still up there. i have to wash my clothes most nights because of all the smoking on the casino floors. the best thing about the place is the room itself and the pools, which are incredible, and really important, along with the air conditionaing. outside its really hot here at the moment, about 38-39 most days.

anyway, its all over soon, one more day in the states then flying home, and i'm really, really looking forward to it.